It is 12:30 at night and I have pondered what to write. I have determined to be honest and write what is going on right now so here goes….
Just after the stroke of midnight I logged onto the state of ohio to file my weekly unemployment status. And there it was, again – A request to restart my claim because it was again contested, denied, or god forbid, i made a whole whopping $320 dollars gross income last week which exceeded their allowable income level. I have been down this road twice before… each time there were more questions to ask, and confusion because although I was laid off my full time job, i still work for the same employer in the role of my second job. the second job is part time, I am budgeted for 16 hours a week…. so i have dutifully explained my situation, that I lost probably 80% of my income with the loss of my full time job, and that I was working the second part time job to help with our finances. (when you make $320.00 a week it is very difficult to call that “finances”) So once again tonight I filed all the forms, dotted every i and crossed every t, and hit send, and for a split second I thought it might be different – but I know monday there will be an email smiling at me and telling me that I will be compensated nothing again, because I exceed their quota of income.
William Shakespeare’s Macbeth, from Act 5, Scene 5 probably captured my thoughts well”
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Sometimes I stop for a brief moment to ponder my choice of education… I wanted a sound business background but wanted to throw my talents to use with government…. Having worked for a woman who had her MPA was a great opportunity to ask questions and consider the degree. The education was so wonderful… we pondered all of the ills of modern medicine, of our government, and chased etherial discussions on economics. But everything came back to the concept that public administration exists for the greater good of the public… I like that. That is what seperated my degree from a straight MBA…. the greater good. But this unemployment debaucle is just a lot of sound and fury and signifying nothing.
So a small part of my nieve willingness to believe for the good faded away today…and it is ok. I think for the first time in my life I realize that much of life is not as it seems.
I think this photo from the wizard of Oz captures my thoughts best. Until recently I really thought so much more of government, and of public administration…. but like Dorothy finding the little guy behind the curtain, I realize that the truth is much more simple, and ugly than the “greater good” could be.
Will I ever see any unemployment compensation for 11 years of faithful service? probably not. Do I expect it? No… I have always earned my way in life – why should this be any different?
So here is to the 12:30 at night rant… Thanks for reading on…. truthfully the whole thing is out of my hands anyway – but I am just so sad that there seem to be less people working in government who honestly care about the good of society. And in the depths of my soul I still want to believe for the good….