It’s 1:45 in the morning and my eyes wont close

Darn that night shift work – my circadian rhythms are so messed up. I can;t sleep if I want to. And I want to. Badly.

So what is on my mind? A sense of excitement for the weekend. We have a huge art show this weekend, and already feel the energy of the weekend. Not sure how I will survive doing the art show all day, and working all night… so if you are reading this and prone to pray – please pray for strength, and some stolen snooze time amidst a fruitful and prosperous weekend.

I am also wide awake because I am thinking and praying for the ladies of my bible study. I love our group that gathers on friday mornings. It is a great group, and we all have such different lives, yet we are united in our faith and our hunger to grow. It is such a good thing to have found a place where, as the ladies have said, “it is safe to exhale”. I never realized quite how critical the ability to share those things I am struggling with in confidence could be. Likewise, I love the responsibility for what others have said. I want to be careful to hold their thoughts and concerns in my prayers, and talk to God about them, and noone else.

So I am thinking I would like to at least once per week post a note of what I am thankful for, or what one major event this week has taken me to a growing place in my life, faith, family. Here goes:

Our bible study is working through the book Captivating by Stasi Elderidge – and it was life transforming for me when i originally read the book. Working through it with the ladies we came to a question that stopped me cold. The questions went something like this: “All women have some distrust for God thanks to that incident in the garden of Eden and Eve. Women bear that scar by either being overly controlling, or disengaged with life… which would you say you are? Which would you say your mom was?

Controlling? Me? And then the truth crept in… yes Barb, you have a tendency to be controlling, want things your way, want to redirect, and orchestrate life according to your wishes. Control is not yours… now “snap out of it and stop that”. So I took a deep breath from my thoughts and asked Steve- “well dear, you have been known to be a bit controlling… now i think you are getting better, but you still have a little work on this.” he kindly said to me.

So my ah hah moment was realizing there is still a lot of work to just trust God for everything and surrender the control. If you a re reading this and have suggestions on how you have overcome control freak tendencies…. please leave a comment or email me.


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