With fear and trembling

Our pastor asked me several days ago to share what God has done to open up an opportunity for work.  Since he asked i thought long and hard about what to say… do i make it a detailed lesson, or share from my heart.  I must have sat down a thousand times to write notes, and it was clear the notes were not going to be what i was to use.  I had a strong sense of “Speak from your heart… just tell them what I (God) did for you… remind them of the hope that all is not lost.”  OK, I can do that…

I spent a lot of time praying about this.  I wanted this to not be my thoughts or words. … but god’s.  And it felt like an awesome responsibility i have not known in a long time… an opportunity to share not just the gloom of loss, but the victory and joy of God opening doors. 

This morning I could sense an anxiety, an apprehension, then the music began, and our worship leader shared his story of struggle with anger, and how when he let go thathe found little hidden blessings, precious things like greeting his early rising daughter and having some time with her.  OK, it seems noticable that God is ordering our lives, and the message i have to share is custom fit to the day…. Ahead of me was a blessing to hear – A guy named Mike shared how his knee pain has been healed, instantly, divinely, and that he is pain free since that moment.  Wow, i t was wonderful to hear. 

My turn, Pastor calls me up, and i was wrapped in another gush of emotions.  Not fear to speak to a room full of people, but fear that i dont want to let the message be mine, but Gods words.  Prayed, and began to speak… shared my story of job loss, of struggle, of coming to the end of my own means, of hanging on the edge of desperation and of God opening flood gates from heaven for a job, gave me hope and restored my withered soul.  I could see all eyes on me, and the message was resonating with the room.  Thank you lord for your blessing in my life, and how you lead me today, and every day.  May your word speak deep into our souls, change us, and make us more like you each day.  Amen

On a side note, in all of my “public speaking” classes for business I learned never show emotions, hide them deep inside, bite your lips, and show that poker face.  But while i stll want to rest on that thought it seems that emotions can authenticate or validate what is being said.  I still hate when i choke up at an opportunity to share.


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