Funny thing, this grief is!

Yesterday Steve and I attended the funeral of the mother of a dear friend.  We have known her some 25 years, and watched how aging had taken over and initially it was small changes, but a year ago she had a very traumatic car accident that would take the biggest toll on her health and well being.

Funerals are so very challenging… they bring up memories and they stir the reminder that this life, this body, this existence is merely a short term one, on a grand journey to heaven and eternity beyond.  But it does not assuage the sense of our limited time here… and the pain of being seperated from those we have loved so deeply.  But there was hope, and humor, and lots of prayer.

I have to tell you i think often of having great control over emotions, but in the quiet of our home yesterday all I wanted to do was pick up the phone and give my mom a call, just to hear her voice.  She has been gone for 20 years… so that is kind of impossible.  And i thought of all of those last days of her life, how sadly the physical side was breaking down, limiting her, reducing her capacity, and ultimately allowing her to slip the bonds of earth.

Twenty years have passed… Countless others have come and gone, funerals attended, grave side prayers, condolences.  Most of the time it is not such a great impact on my emotions.  But this funeral stirred the grief monster again.  And as i rode the bus to work this morning with my headset on, listening to pandora, i heard a song that captured my thoughts, the palpable emotion of grief:

what do i know

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