Why ?

We chaperoned our youth group to a service day visiting at a nursing home today. It was a wondrous sight to see our youth actively connecting with the residents of the home. Sweet fresh faces and age worn ones side by side. Such blessings to see the desire to connect.

I wanted to connect and visit but everything in my soul wandered to memories of the last Easter I spent with my mom, and how desperately I miss her especially this time of year.

She loved the celebration of Christ’s resurrection.

So I looked at those weathered, aged faces and thought of memories with my mom. It was meloncholy.

And I find myself still pulled into that place of a grief that lurks just under the surface. Will grief ever leave and remove a grasp on this heart?

The child in me wants to run back to a day when I was 10 and the biggest challenge of this weekend was to save room for all the ethnic food. Or getting enough of a nap so that I would be able to make midnight service and stay awake to eat after church. Faith was sure, celebration was joy filled and the majority of the impact this day had on me came from my mom.

Nursing home ministry was once a big part of my life. When mom died I could not go back. Today is a first in 4-5 years that I have visited one. The emotions are still palpable.

But the sight of our kids visiting made it worth it all.


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